Friday 2014-02-28
I was incandescent with fury! On Wednesday I was threatened
being kicked out of home dialysis programme if I didn’t agree to have my
treatment changed to what manager nurse L thought was medically right for me and was
promised that my treatment remained as status quo and continued learning and
dialysing in this centre until I had a chance to see and consult a doctor.
Today all this had changed, the threat became a reality. She
bulldozed me out of the centre sending me back into the system. She had problem
with the words “kicked out“ that was used by me, no matter what euphemism she
preferred, the fact was fact. Sorry that I stepped on a toe and injured her precious
feelings. But what she had done was making flippant decision that sent an
anxiety kidney patient with complicated prescriptive treatment to limbo just to
satisfy her psychotic ego, coming to her office each day executing her little
managerial power and playing with patients’ lives. Only because last Wednesday
on surface I seemed to have won on our encounter, she worked up her vindictive
mind scheming up this tsunami for me.
She has absolutely no heart, said it was for my own good and
played politic with my feeling and my health purely to satisfy her own ego. If
she really cared about a small patient like me she would have heard what I said
and how I felt physically and mentally. I have been on the current treatment
for the past 5 months and which worked well for me and made me gradually
better. Only when it were changed that I felt worse. Such thing had already
happened a few times.
To through me back to where I came from to further endure
uncertainty and stressful situations will do not do an iota of good to my
health and could only harm me.
She made an appointment for me to see a doctor on 17 March
and fully understood what the next two weeks will do to my mental and physical wellbeing,
and yet to show that she is the one who is in charge and have the final say,
she throw her so called “care for patients wellbeing and that was what her reason
being where she is” in the wind.
The only object can be achieved for me to run about town
again is that patients have to do things her way or no way, be it right or
wrong, to the benefit or the detriment, whichever way she doesn’t care. There
are people like her who say one thing and does another, her purpose here is to earn
a salary doing her job and climb the corporate ladder. What care for patients’
lives, wellbeing, those are just words, for her they are deprived of real
meaning.
It is precisely to avoid people like her drove me into home
dialysis. Next week there is a conference promoting home dialysis with a slogan
as “My kidney, My choice and My home”. What a joke that is, the way she is
running things is making a mockery of the whole thing.
For survival, to be responsible to my own health and
wellbeing she forced my hand. The only rational thing for me to do was to
succumb to her demand and renegotiate my treatment on her terms without a
medical clinic consultation.
Actually she was the person who changed my Calcium bath (for
whole story refer to my last blog) without doctor’s prescription which made me
feeling terrible and the wrong bath she gave me mucked up my blood test result,
my health temporarily went backwards was caused purely by her. I haven’t heard
her admitting any kind of mistake being made, an apology would be unimaginable.
A simple slight reply “we don’t have” was all I got and that
doesn’t cut it. It was medicine that she was using. Science is an exact discipline,
not bush mechanic. If she were a responsible nurse she wouldn’t have want only
changed patients’ prescription without adjusting other related medication in the
same time.
One other incident was the other day when she was taking me
off the machine she didn’t clamp the artery catheter properly which lead to my
blood back flew into the artery for about 13cm in length, such incident happened to me only once before. When I noticed the abnormality
and asked her how could I prevent such thing from happening to me when I doing
it myself in the future, she had no guts to admit what wrong she had done, but
taking patients as fools and gave me a load of crap and diverted to other
things. Making error is one thing, we are all human, what I can’t accept is
covering it up and making stories.
How can I trust such a person, let alone making my treatment
orders?
Our world is not perfect, for survival one can’t cut off
from society, from people like her and have to swallow a lot of shit.
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